I was debating this morning as to whether to go to liturgy this week or not. I decided not to. Yes, I know that there’s the whole mortal sin issue but I really don’t care about that any more. I found this article on the CatholicAnswers website claiming that becoming a Catholic is the most joyous experience in any one’s life. It received a nihil obstat since it had no moral or doctrinal error in it. I don’t think it should have received what it did. Why? It lied.
I have an issue with lies and liars. And this is mainly why I decided not to attend liturgy this week or next week. I live in a house where there are Protestants claiming to not be Biblicists yet they take great liberty in using the Bible to argue that Catholics adopt all these unnecessary doctrines and of course my own father is a prominent historical and theological revisionist (as most typical Protestants are). In all honesty, I really wanted to be Catholic but I simply cannot. Why? Because Jesus came and promised peace.
Being a Catholic in my household is not peace or joyous instead it’s just vulgar and false accusations being charged left and right at Catholic Church history as well as vulgar and false accusations being hurled at atheists and other Christians deemed unorthodox and Muslims also are ripe picking for false accusations that are vulgar being thrown at them. I guess you can say this is why I sympathize with atheists, “unorthodox” Christians (there really isn’t a measure of orthodoxy in Protestantism other than what the Protestant feels is right so there isn’t really an unorthodoxy either), and Muslims.
I have decided ultimately that if I were to become a Catholic, I would constantly have to be apart of a hostile environment. If I continue going to liturgies, I have to stay in this hostile environment. It’s neither joyous nor peaceful. In all my sanity, I must make the decision as to whether I want peace or if I want to be a Catholic. I want peace. So I have made the hard decision to reject Catholicism. I know that what I am rejecting is an authentic peace of faith and I will constantly defend it from the large number of ass-holed anti-Catholic bigots out there but I simply cannot enter into full communion with the Catholic Church right now in my environment. Maybe when I finally move out of my own household I will be ready and eager to be baptized again. I desire the faith so much but I desire peace equally.
It is unfortunate, upsetting, and honestly distressing for me that my decision to become a Catholic has to boil into such a dichotomy. If only the world did not have to be so evil. If only God could violently cut off the tongues of the liars in this world. For my own peace, I have decided to temporarily reject the beauty and authenticity of the Catholic faith. The only place where I haven’t come across such outright blatant lies about the world. It sickens me that such situations must come up in this world presenting you with two options to choose the truths that which you have sought after for so long or to choose to remain in lying peace.
After further debating here with myself, I have decided that the liturgies are the only place where I actually feel peace and will go back again. Can I just say one more thing and I hope you forgive me for my foul language – FUCK THE WORLD!