Why I’m Not Attending Liturgies Any More

I was debating this morning as to whether to go to liturgy this week or not. I decided not to. Yes, I know that there’s the whole mortal sin issue but I really don’t care about that any more. I found this article on the CatholicAnswers website claiming that becoming a Catholic is the most joyous experience in any one’s life. It received a nihil obstat since it had no moral or doctrinal error in it. I don’t think it should have received what it did. Why? It lied.

I have an issue with lies and liars. And this is mainly why I decided not to attend liturgy this week or next week. I live in a house where there are Protestants claiming to not be Biblicists yet they take great liberty in using the Bible to argue that Catholics adopt all these unnecessary doctrines and of course my own father is a prominent historical and theological revisionist (as most typical Protestants are). In all honesty, I really wanted to be Catholic but I simply cannot. Why? Because Jesus came and promised peace.

Being a Catholic in my household is not peace or joyous instead it’s just vulgar and false accusations being charged left and right at Catholic Church history as well as vulgar and false accusations being hurled at atheists and other Christians deemed unorthodox and Muslims also are ripe picking for false accusations that are vulgar being thrown at them. I guess you can say this is why I sympathize with atheists, “unorthodox” Christians (there really isn’t a measure of orthodoxy in Protestantism other than what the Protestant feels is right so there isn’t really an unorthodoxy either), and Muslims.

I have decided ultimately that if I were to become a Catholic, I would constantly have to be apart of a hostile environment. If I continue going to liturgies, I have to stay in this hostile environment. It’s neither joyous nor peaceful. In all my sanity, I must make the decision as to whether I want peace or if I want to be a Catholic. I want peace. So I have made the hard decision to reject Catholicism. I know that what I am rejecting is an authentic peace of faith and I will constantly defend it from the large number of ass-holed anti-Catholic bigots out there but I simply cannot enter into full communion with the Catholic Church right now in my environment. Maybe when I finally move out of my own household I will be ready and eager to be baptized again. I desire the faith so much but I desire peace equally.

It is unfortunate, upsetting, and honestly distressing for me that my decision to become a Catholic has to boil into such a dichotomy. If only the world did not have to be so evil. If only God could violently cut off the tongues of the liars in this world. For my own peace, I have decided to temporarily reject the beauty and authenticity of the Catholic faith. The only place where I haven’t come across such outright blatant lies about the world. It sickens me that such situations must come up in this world presenting you with two options to choose the truths that which you have sought after for so long or to choose to remain in lying peace.

After further debating here with myself, I have decided that the liturgies are the only place where I actually feel peace and will go back again. Can I just say one more thing and I hope you forgive me for my foul language – FUCK THE WORLD!


About newenglandsun

A student. Male. Passionate. Easily offended. Child-like wonderer. Growing in faith, messing up daily.
This entry was posted in Atheism, Catholicism, Eastern Christianity, Passion. Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Why I’m Not Attending Liturgies Any More

  1. JessicaHof says:

    I can understand why you have taken this view; but you are right, one day you will have the freedom to make your own mind up; God understands and loves you, and that is what matters.

    • I sure wish I could feel his love. It never seems like that.

      • JessicaHof says:

        I have been there, my friend, and have a post up on mine tomorrow about it. It is hard when people like a clown tell you how it should feel and then you don’t feel that. In my experience the answer is that however it was for them, that is not the only way it can be. I can’t see where the faith is in having had a revelation like his. Faith is what I have, which is the faith that God is love and wants the best for us – even though we have not put our fingers in the holes. xx Jess

      • Clowns are morons. Not the issue. I can hardly see why he’d bother you and disturb your faith. My own father is the main problem and his outright blatant lies about the alleged gloriousness of the Protestant Reformation as well as his lies about infant baptism and his lies about Mary and other people’s beliefs all followed up by “You have the right to be wrong!”

        But then again…that’s moronic too. Maybe clowns are the issue.

      • JessicaHof says:

        I can understand. My father was an atheist, but because he had promised my mother he would let me go to church, he did; but he never liked it. But in the longer run, you will be able to make your own mind up.

      • It would have been better for me to be raised by an atheist then by an Evangelical household. The atheist doesn’t give a hell about theological issues other than to call them mindless and irrational. The Evangelical Protestant on the other hand likes to bask about how much better everyone is now that they broke free from another institution.

        My older sister (who’s blog is called Philosopher’s Dog and had another one called anatheistbiblestudy) and I are at least on better terms. I can now sympathize with her godless worldview also being stemmed from the lies fed to her.

      • JessicaHof says:

        Yes, I can see that, and am sorry for it. I hope and pray it gets better for you xx Jess

      • Probably not until I move out. We have these people coming over tonight (my dad’s the “head” of the house “church” despite no theological or religious training whatsoever). I’ll lock myself in my bedroom then for that.

        They all just talk about modernity and every now and then, he throws his lies at the Catholic Church (such as how they adopted infant baptism from Muslims, made such a hub-hub over Mary being the mother of God, are stuck in the Old Testament, and how the Protestant Reformation fixed all that fortunately).

        Every time I throw in an objection to his statements I always get cut-off or told I’m making flippant statements.

        Will it get better? When I die. I’m pondering that. Can’t wait for that death-bed day. And if I die un-baptized and don’t make it to Heaven, at least Hell’s better than planet Earth any way.

        This is an excellent song that’s been on my mind lately. Don’t know if the high-pitched shrieking is your style though. Although you have to admit, it’s kind of poetic as to how there is beauty in the world but something ugly comes in and messes it up.

        These are some of the lyrics:

        “Will suicide break the ring of curse
        Or is there just another hell waiting out there

        Will suicide break the ring of curse
        Tomorrow I’ll be gone, do don’t look for me”

      • jrj1701 says:

        newenglandsun please turn your mind from such contemplation and go to prayer, please do this. I have had friends who completed suicide and I take any talk of it very seriously, it is a hard to be where you are at right now, I know for I have been there. You are not alone even though it feels that way now, there are people who will be sad and hurt if you leave, so please go to prayer and pour your heart out to God, if there is no solace there, then go see your priest or somebody, just please do not continue down this dangerous path. I pray for you+++

      • What is better? To suffer or to die? I wonder.

      • jrj1701 says:

        There is no end to suffering in death, it is either the passage into paradise or hell and to speed the event will not accomplish the goal. Christ suffered and was victorious because He stayed the course and let God decide the closing.

      • Jesus had it easy. He didn’t have to live past age 50. You could equally argue he had to live it roughly. He had to go through college and high school.

        I wish I had never been born!

      • jrj1701 says:

        Christ had it far from easy, and yet He did suffer so that we can share in His victory. Please don’t despair and give up the struggle, pray for strength and know that there are some folks praying for you now, that this struggle is well worth the rewards. You have so much potential and ability, don’t let that go.+++

      • His mother. He, God, and God died and her only son, and Joseph dead too. Mary. Mary suffered. Mater Dolorosa. No God. God died. God her only son.

      • jrj1701 says:

        Remember that He also arose again. The cross is the greatest of victories and we must never forget that.+++

      • jrj1701 says:

        Hail Mary full of Grace
        The Lord is with thee O virgin Theotokos
        Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit if thy womb for thou hast born the savior of our souls.
        Given grace by God you gave birth ineffably to Christ the Savior. May I now beseech you O pure one: Purify me from all defilement of flesh and spirit as I approach the immaculate Mysteries. Amen+++

      • The Theotokos loves unconditionally.

      • jrj1701 says:

        Of course she does, and so does God her Son+++

  2. jrj1701 says:

    newenglandsun, I have been watching your struggle with faith and I have seen many sons go through the same struggle. I have held back on making any comment because my prayers on this issue have not revealed to me a clear answer that would ease your troubles. In Matt. 10:34 our Lord says that He did not come to bring peace but a sword. He knew that His ways would be controversial and hard for many to accept. May I suggest that you pray upon this issue some more, taking into consideration that our true enemy would rejoice if you gave up the search for His Truth. I pray for you and hope that you will do as He wills.

  3. Thanks be to God for your perseverance in seeking Truth and for the many friends whom God has sent to console you!

    I can sympathize with the conflict you’re facing between the joy Christ promised and the harsh realities of worldly life–in kind if not to your degree.

    I am not now a very joyful person. Though my family hasn’t suffered the same divisions as yours (thanks God), the disparity between the Kingdom proclaimed by Christ and the world’s degenerate state constantly tempts me to despair. I questioned whether my lack of joy meant that I was unworthy of the abundant gifts that the Church offers in her sacraments and liturgy. At last I realized that I was mistaking joy for contentment. The former is a supernatural gift arising from the grace of hope. The latter is satisfaction gained from temporal things.

    In the end I concluded that I had no cause to cease the practice of my faith. If I conclude that the Church’s claims are true, then I am obliged to submit to her authority because truth binds in conscience. Where else shall I go? Christ alone has the words of eternal life, and His Church speaks with His voice.

    You ask whether death is better than suffering? A timeless question asked in a timely manner. Remember Augustine’s declaration that no one wills death as a good unto itself, but only as an end to pain. Though your pain is great, know that death is a far greater evil. Among the arguments that most convinced me of Christianity’s truth is the contrast between how the great faiths approach the problem of suffering. Christianity–especially Catholic Christianity–gives by far the most mature and viable answer when it teaches that Jesus’ Incarnation, Passion, and Resurrection grant us a share in His work of redemption by joining our sufferings to His. Human suffering is either pointless, invincibly unjust, illusory, or redemptive; and the Church assures us that it is redemptive.

    It may be that your entry into full communion with the Church awaits a more opportune moment. I urge you to work with your pastor to discern God’s will in this matter. In the meantime, others who’ve warned that these temptations to abandon the liturgy come from your mortal Enemy are correct. He knows that if you sever ties with the Church, the underlying divisions in your home will remain, only you’ll be cut off from the community and the graces that flow from the Liturgy. He sees you slipping through his fingers and assails you with lies. Don’t listen!

    I’m leaving for Mass right now, where I shall storm heaven on your behalf.
    The love and peace of Christ be with you,

    • I don’t know when I’ll go back again but I will go back again.

      Oh how I wish to partake in the sacraments. How I wish to be among the baptized.

      • May the Lord strengthen you and speed your return.

        Nurture that wish. Satan is terrified of what you could become when sacramental grace perfects your nature.

      • my dad just calls them “goodies” so i don’t know if they work or are just mere superstition. if they are just “goodies” and he’s correct, then i am ever more-so encouraged to end my life right now. maybe heaven is also a lie.

      • jrj1701 says:

        No heaven is definitely not a lie. I am praying for you as you struggle with this despair. Please seek the Lord in prayer, it ca and will help, I know this from personal experience. Please do not surrender to the lies of the evil one, there is One Who will help, all you have to do is ask.+++

      • What if they aren’t lies? What if they are true? What if beauty is non-existent?


      • jrj1701 says:

        Beauty is very existent. I see it as I look out my window and see the snow covered fields, I see it in the Icons that I pray in front of, I see it in the eyes of those that surrender themselves to prayer, I see it in the actions of those that refuse to be beguiled by the evil one, I see it in those that have been helped to overcome the tricks of the evil one, I see it in your desire to be a part of the Church and your expressions of awe that you have posted on this blog. And I am willing to listen as you rage and try to fight your way out of this despair, because when you realize God’s victory it is always a truly beautiful thing+++

      • I want the victory now.

      • jrj1701 says:

        That is the truly beautiful thing, although it is hard to immediately sense it, the victory is now. Right now this minute you are not hurting yourself, you are asking for help, and there are those that love you as God loves them, that are patiently working with you as you are struggling with your faith and the circumstances of your life, they are taking the time to pray for you and communicate their concern. Ain’t that just wonderful???

      • yes it is. i could have ended it all this morning but i still stand.

        i just listened to this beautiful song right now. it reminds me of jesus and his church.

      • jrj1701 says:

        Good song, I have always enjoyed metal and I really appreciated the Celtic flavor of your selection. Been a metal fan since the 70’s. I am still praying for you and hope that you continue to reach out towards His Love+++

      • wow, you’ve seen a lot and were there from the virtual beginning then! i was born when Norwegian black metal was becoming a scene with Mayhem (1992). a year before the death of oystein aarseth. been a metal fan since 2009.

      • jrj1701 says:

        Yeah I have been around, I remember when Heavy Metal Bands portrayed themselves as demonic as a means of attracting their audience, and this succeeded in fundamental churches going coo coo for coco puffs against that devil’s music, yet when I actually listened to some of the lyrics I was hearing something that definitely was not satanic. You could probably imagine my confusion about this, yet it taught me to look beyond what everybody else is telling me and to start asking some hard questions. I see you doing the same thing, and it is proper to ask hard questions and to expect rational factual answers about this amazing thing called Christianity, as the Scriptures say “seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open unto you.” Never give up on Your quest to find the Truth, for it is the most noble endeavor to learn as much about God as you possibly can. You will always be in my prayers+++

      • I grew up in a Christian household. I was told all about Christianity. But the Evangelical tendency was to maintain hesitance to consider others genuinely Christian. And then disrespect for other religious traditions. Nothing but disrespect and disdain for traditions not agreed with. Even if they are acknowledged to be legit members of God’s family by these people.

  4. You are loved Newenglandsun and it is apparent by all who have responded to your suffering. My thought has been, ever since becoming Catholic in my mid-40’s, that on our deathbed we will not dwell on our past sufferings or the present one but on the love that others have shown us and the love that awaits us as we patiently await His call. And my only regret will be for those whom I did not nourish and encourage to love when it was offered. Love itself, gives one joy, even in the midst of great distress and suffering. Nourish the love, no matter how little you might feel it is available to you, and it will blossom and grow. You seem to have a great love for Our Lady. Dwell at her feet for as long as you can allow your mind to do so during troubled times. She is a soothing balm for our miseries. She has experienced them all with great patience and great courage. Let Her be your courage during these times. Pax Christi, and may the love of Christ be ever in your heart.

    • i think on my death-bed i’ll be quite happy that i finally leave the world behind. all of it’s atrocities and wars.

      • It is a fallen world my friend but we can leave our mark even if we don’t see it in the wider sense of the world. We effect one another and we can spread love and joy with them and they with us. Our Lady told Bernadette at Lourdes, “I cannot promise you happiness in the life; only in the next.” Though that is true, as I age, though keenly aware of all the horrors in this world, I cherish the joys of friends and family more and do not worry about that which I cannot change. For those things I fall back on the saying of Padre Pio, “pray, hope and don’t worry.” All can be accomplished through God but we must understand that God can bring good even out of evil. But we must realize that God has a plan and that sometimes that plan unravels in history and we may not ever live long enough to see the value of the suffering that mankind endures. But in individuals that patiently endure, we see many examples during a normal lifespan. In that battle we are all called to war against the forces of evil; not with man’s weapons but with prayer, moral living, love of God and love of one another. There is nothing that frustrates and vexes Satan so much as a life, committed to God, unassailable by all his wiles and torments, and joyfully moves forward to do whatever God moves that soul to accomplish in their life.

      • jrj1701 says:

        We need you here in this life brother, there are so few willing to continue the glorious struggle, and I see so much potential in you. Please do not be deceived by the lies of the evil one, pray to God and ask for help in this struggle, He will give it. You are in my prayers and the prayers of many that see what you have to offer the Christian community+++

      • what for? why am i needed?

      • jrj1701 says:

        You are needed for your intelligence, your desire to learn the truth, your willingness to ask questions. How many folks do you see becoming Christian??? You are indeed a needed member of our Christian Community, and anybody that says different speaks for the evil one.

  5. Newengland, I am sorry for your deep sufferings. I am thankful for the words spoken here to you by jrj1701, they are so much more eloquent than I could ever write. I hope they help you find the peace you are looking for.

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