Distress in Faith

I tend to have a lot of struggles with faith. I wasn’t born into the proper religion, I was taught instead that being a Christian meant that someone made an affirmation of their faith internally. That is, that being a Christian meant saying “I believe” and that this was all there was to it. Now that you believe, you are saved, presto! abrakadabra! alakazam! etc. As a matter of fact, I had presumed I was a Christian until I was about four when apparently it turns out that being a Christian wasn’t an internal confession but rather, you had to verbally pray the sinner’s prayer. It was this sinner’s prayer concept that I never understood.

But any way, regardless, my faith never stayed the same. If it really was some sort of sinner’s prayer that made me a Christian, I would definitely contend otherwise. Because it didn’t feel like the sinner’s prayer was ever enough. I would fall back down since I was told that this was the only initiation I needed and the only initiation that God was ever going to make. It continued to frustrate me. The only way I could ever hope to access God was through myself.

This is why I appreciate the concept of the sacraments in the high church settings, however, it is also something that causes me even more distress in my faith journey. I’ve never been baptized. So I can’t freely walk into a high church setting, receive the eucharist, and say that now Jesus is helping me. It’s also a flaw in the high church setting I’ve noticed and something that I really think all high church settings need to fix. STOP BRINGING ME BACK TO MY OWN UPBRINGING! Yes, because of their views on baptism and the sacraments, it seems that I am permanently damned by their god to suffer in an endless loop trying to reach up to him!

So my response to all high church Christians whether they be Catholics, Orthodox, Lutherans, or Anglicans:

When this is done, I think I will be ready to become a Christian again. But the problem is, high church Christians don’t change their doctrines. So alas, I’m forever damned by your god to suffer a legacy of torment trying to do the impossible. I cannot do the impossible. So if you see me in Hell, at least you know that it certainly isn’t my fault.

The high church–theism for the cradles, deism for the newcomers. The low church–just plain deism.


About newenglandsun

A student. Male. Passionate. Easily offended. Child-like wonderer. Growing in faith, messing up daily.
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