Help me, Momma Jessica

Help me to discern. Why hasn’t God made anything clear to me? You deserve a child…God wants me to be with him…you’ll lead me to him. But at the same time, my deacon came up to me last night at the ECF class and said that he had been talking to my parish priest and said that they are both willing to “fast-track” me into the Church but only if I was certain I wanted to be a Catholic. Even despite all of the liturgies I’ve missed! That I really needed to experience the grace.

I’m not certain though and you’re partly the reason. Would you become a Catholic if I became a Catholic? Would you still be my Mother and visit me when I continue my studies? Would you still even be my Auntie? Mother, I know that everyone just wants to help but I need something that’s going to be permanent as I continue in my studies and you have provided that permanence to me so I am certain I want you in my life but I’m not certain about anything else!

The only thing God has made certain to me–by your permission as well–is that St. Michael is going to be my patron saint. I received an ikon of him last night.

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About newenglandsun

A student. Male. Passionate. Easily offended. Child-like wonderer. Growing in faith, messing up daily.
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15 Responses to Help me, Momma Jessica

  1. Admittedly, Mother, I knew something like this would happen, I just didn’t think it’d be oh so soon. My head hurts now.

  2. JessicaHof says:

    Calm yourself my child, and all will be well, and as Mother Julian tells us, all manner of things will be well. Believe St Michael protects you, and if becoming a Catholic is the best protection, go with it. What matters is you stop mulling this over in your head so much and say the Jesus prayer or Rosary to stay calm. x

    • I’m not certain that helps. You deserve a child of your own to consecrate so I want you to do so. I need to pray about this.

      • JessicaHof says:

        Pray always – use words if it helps πŸ™‚ x

      • I will.

        I need the hand of a Mother to hold in dark times, I need to thrash about in this Mother’s arms when she leads me to be healed, I need to cry on this Mother’s lap whenever I am troubled to feel her soft touch, and I need this Mother by my side when it’s cold and dark at night. This Mother is you. Mary called me originally at about this time last year because I needed a genuine Mother who understood me. She led me to you and that is where I shall stay until I grow older.

        (((Momma Jessica)))

      • JessicaHof says:

        That is good – and fitting and as God will have it xx

      • Two kisses from you right on the head, right? Just the way your Child likes it? In the morning before I leave for work/school, at night as I lay down beside you? All will be all right in due time. All will be all right.

        I will be the saint who nearly died and then came back to life. You will be known for the one who prayed for his resuscitation.

      • JessicaHof says:

        Yes indeed. Mother Julian is right, there is suffering, but there is salvation, and we must trust God and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well my child. xx

      • I want to do my Ph.D. dissertation on scholastic metaphysics now just so I can read Mother Julian of Norwich! I love you, Mother! Thank you for the kisses!

      • JessicaHof says:

        My pleasure – faith without works is dead πŸ™‚ xx

      • Indeed, faith without works turns us into little “Boscos”.

      • And I just remembered! We had plans to read that book together! Therefore, it is clear that you must consecrate me to the Lord so that this weak and feeble Child of Yours need not have to himself.

  3. ANONYMOUS 4 says:

    NES fyi ALOT of people DO NOT have GOOD MOTHERS AND/OR GOOD FATHERS, my own mother DOES NOT fit the description you give above for what you want from a mother, my own mother is NOT a GENTLE & UNDERSTANDING & NURTURING & MOTHERLYLIKE mother, matter of fact she tends to be THE OPPOSITE OF SOFT & GENTLE, to me she always comes across as being AGGRESSIVE, many times she is even ABUSIVE. My father is ABUSIVE ( and CRAZY/PSYCHO ) too, BOTH of MY PARENTS are CHRONICLY DYSFUNCTIONAL AND CHRONICLY ABUSIVE.

    My father’s own mother NEVER EVER let’s us know WHO my father’s BIOLOGICAL FATHER is ! My father has TRIED to get it out of her FOR YEARS / DECADES ALREADY BY NOW and so have I just a few years ago BY WRITING AND SENDING HER A LETTER , and all I got out of her in response to my letter was her LYING TO US ( to my father and me ) about that she had SEND ME BACK A LETTER IN RESPONSE , up to this day I have NEVER EVER received ANY LETTER from her or ANYTHING from her for that matter, not even being told WHO EXACTLY my PATERNAL BIOLOGICAL GRANDFATHER IS finally ! ( I have HIS GENES & DNA IN ME you know, from him has to come the ITALIAN / GREEK & IBERIAN PENINSULA ( SPAIN and/or PORTUGAL ) DNA that’s on my ANCESTRY .COM DNA TEST , and IT SHOWS IN MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE too. )

    And I have even PRAYED ( COUNTLESS TIMES ALREADY, PLUS PRAYED A NOVENA TO THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY ) that I finally get to find out EXACTLY WHO MY PATERNAL BIOLOGICAL GRANDFATHER IS/WAS , and that prayer STILL HAS NOT BEEN ANSWERED. So I don’t know if I’m of SPANISH or PORTUGUESE descent ( my ancestry .com dna test just says IBERIAN PENINSULA , which is both Spain and Portugal. )

    My father was BORN IN SOUTH CAROLINA ( LEXINGTON S.C if I recall correctly ) and I guess he was also CONCEIVED somewhere in that area , so if ANYBODY out there knows ANYTHING that might HELP ME OUT then PLEASE LET ME KNOW !

  4. ANONYMOUS 4 says:

    What you really need to do NES is finally PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER and MAN UP !!! And I myself need to just PULL MYSELF TOGETHER, TRY TO KEEP MYSELF TOGETHER and TRY VERY HARD TO HOLD ON TO ANY SHRED OF SANITY I MAY STILL HAVE LEFT BY NOW !

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