Dear Mother,

1373848412_demonicHelp!

Help your Child, Auntie Jessica! Every time I think, I find myself stepping ever closer to the noose and it is very close now! I just want to cut my arms and let the blood flow out until there is none left. Until I am dead! I breathe, I pant, I try to calm myself…oh, Mother, cast your protective mantle over your Child once more! May he finally be able to find his way back home in your tender-loving arms.

The noose gets closer and closer and I feel nothing but darkness left over inside of me. I try to step out of this darkness but there is nothing on the other side I fear! I walk closer and closer to the noose. Closer and closer to ending my life. Closer and closer…I fear losing you, myself, others. I fear the fires of Hell that they are dragging me into! I fear, Mother, I fear! Help me. Pray for your Child! Pray that each day, the noose moves farther away than your Child is able to walk to it. This must be done now for I am looming ever so closer. So close to ending my life. Pray the noose becomes more distant to me than I near to it.

Mother, why must I suffer constantly with these suicidal thoughts? Is there any way out?

Advertisements

About newenglandsun

A student. Male. Passionate. Easily offended. Child-like wonderer. Growing in faith, messing up daily.
This entry was posted in Despair. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dear Mother,

  1. JessicaHof says:

    I am so sorry you are feeling like this again. Try praying one of our prayers, and try emptying your mind and being quiet. Xx

    • Okay…
      Yesterday, I called my friend and I would’ve been happy just to get her voice-mail and hear her voice but she answered it and we talked for a bit and it felt better.

      Mother, I promise that I won’t kill myself unless you let me send you my ikons, rosary, and prayer rope first. So don’t let me send you those items, okay?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s