Does God want me to rest?

The answer is “no”. It’s so wonderful that so many people have found a comforting home in a place that nourishes them spiritually but I have been malnourished spiritually. According to God, if I want to find him I must pursue him intellectually. This is his desire. It’s why he allowed me to be born to such parents. My mom doesn’t want me to make Christianity into this ritualistic process. My dad wants me to make Christianity scientific so as not to drive away atheists. This is what God wants me to do as well. I’m not at peace and I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace but God doesn’t want me to be in a state of peace.

This is why Mother’s prayers have not been answered. This is why Mother’s prayers will never be answered. I’m not at peace in my spirituality. My parents’ religion never provided peace and even if I do decide that I want to be a Catholic, my parents are simply going to assault that while “supporting” that any way they can. They don’t believe in demons. They don’t believe that’s been my trouble. They won’t believe these things. For them, Christianity is a non-stop search for God and to find rest at any point in your journey is preposterous. Keep growing and only through growing older can one come to better beliefs. This is the Christianity that God desires me to be tortured by all the rest of my life. Auntie just needs to deal with the fact that her so-called “God-of-love” doesn’t want me saved.

Advertisements

About newenglandsun

A student. Male. Passionate. Easily offended. Child-like wonderer. Growing in faith, messing up daily.
This entry was posted in Atheism, Despair. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Does God want me to rest?

  1. jrj1701 says:

    Maybe you should get your mom & dad to read C.S. Lewis Screwtape Letters. Then maybe they might start to realize that yes demons do exist and are spreading their lies and catching the weak unaware.

    • John, they have that book on their shelf. They’ve both read it. It doesn’t convince them. They see it as fiction.

      • jrj1701 says:

        Face in palm, I can see why you are having a hard time, my prayers go out to you and your parents†††

      • The Evangelical tradition I was raised in never really took things like Satan and demons seriously. They believed demons could tempt and tell you bad stuff but they always taught that you could fight it off yourself. As such, Satan, demons, angels, and spiritual warfare were all played down–a LOT–in the tradition I was raised in. Now that my parents are emergent, well, yeah.

        I need a tradition that’s going to take Satan a LOT more seriously than he has been in the past. If Mother can’t procure an exorcism in the baptismal rite for me then I will take my deacon’s hand and turn to Catholicism and stay there. The Byzantine rite always takes Satan VERY seriously*.

        *by seriously I mean, let’s mock that S.O.B.!

        ‡‡‡

  2. theophiletos says:

    My prayers for you! As you quoted two days ago, our Lord Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Satan and his demons are very real; our only hope against them is Christ our God and his holy angels.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s