Category Archives: Passion

Wow…

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. Mommy announcing her official retirement from the blogosphere today or perhaps the responses that continue to heap false accusations onto her. If one reads her post from yesterday one can see her intent was to wrestle … Continue reading

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Judging my cousin post-mortem?

My dad got home from my cousin Nick’s funeral today and was telling my mother that there seemed to be no evidence of spirituality for my cousin. For my parents, this indicates a person was not Christian. But I have … Continue reading

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Losses all over…

I like to play a lot of strategy games. Strategy board games (like chess which I’ve commented on frequently) and strategy video games (like Civilization, Empire at War, and Age of Mythology). I do a lot of correspondence games of … Continue reading

Posted in Despair, Love, Passion | 1 Comment

R.I.P. Cousin Nick

Rock in peace, rest in peace, whatever you wish…you were an inspiration to me and my prayers are for you. My cousin Nicholas Roberts died yesterday at the age of 27. May his memory be eternal! I think I’m processing … Continue reading

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Suicide watch shirt–REALLY?!?

So here is apparently the argument for the complete and overall mockery of people who struggle with depression and suicidal tendencies. Apparently, since we still have the death penalty, it must be fun watching someone die. Apparently, these defenders of … Continue reading

Posted in Despair, Passion | 25 Comments

“Africa” by Toto – Ever thought of it this way?

When I first heard the song “Africa” a few years ago, I thought it was initially one of those love ballads about two people coming together in Africa and the music video even supports this theory. But upon further examination, … Continue reading

Posted in Despair, Entertainment, Passion | 1 Comment

Why I’m Talking to My Deacon…

So I start out as Arian, then liberal, then Satanist, then apparently, my guardian angel tells me to start reading church history and I’m led toward a Byzantine Catholic Church (hell, I’d never even heard of Byzantine Catholicism until then!) … Continue reading

Posted in Despair, Love, Passion | 1 Comment

How do you know you’re a sinner?

When I was growing up, people told me that I was in danger of going to Hell because of my sin and that I was the “nastiest” child in the world because of a concept that they called “original sin”. … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Bible, Despair, Old Testament, Passion | 2 Comments

I let them in…

All of them…a lot of them…thousands of them. I’m not aware of any one in this world who has experienced Satan as directly as I have…in his whitest and purest form ever attempting to explain to me how much he … Continue reading

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Does God want me to rest?

The answer is “no”. It’s so wonderful that so many people have found a comforting home in a place that nourishes them spiritually but I have been malnourished spiritually. According to God, if I want to find him I must … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Despair | 5 Comments

I saw a baby baptism yesterday…

I’ve never seen a baby baptism before. Even though Jesus had revealed himself to babies (Matt. 11:25-26), a baby being enlightened to know Jesus was simply unthinkable among the Evangelical Protestantism I grew up with. They did baptise infants at … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Catholicism, Despair, Eastern Christianity, Eastern Rite, Love, Passion | 2 Comments

The Bible is a Simple Book

Theophiletos said in a comment… Although I would hesitate to use the term “contradiction” of any parts of the Bible, whenever two passages don’t line up, I find that to be a productive tension which teaches me a lot more … Continue reading

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Auntie Jessica, Pray For Me

I don’t know what is wrong with me…manic-depression, borderline personality disorder, maybe schizophrenia? I know I’m high-functioning autistic and I’m dreadfully sorry your Child couldn’t be a “normal” Child but what is more important to you? That I am your … Continue reading

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Dear Mother,

Help! Help your Child, Auntie Jessica! Every time I think, I find myself stepping ever closer to the noose and it is very close now! I just want to cut my arms and let the blood flow out until there … Continue reading

Posted in Despair | 2 Comments

The Rosary–Momma Jess and I

The crucifix: Auntie and I genuflect—she does a Latinised genuflection, I do a Greek genuflection. Mother prays: I cannot, for the life of me, remember the Apostle’s Creed by heart so Auntie prays that for me… “I believe in God, … Continue reading

Posted in Anglicanism, Catholicism, Love | 5 Comments

I’m Sorry, Auntie Jessica

That doesn’t look entirely bad now does it? But the fact remains…I started cutting myself again and I snuck a pair of scissors up to my room. I just can’t stand my family situation right now. My parents just simply … Continue reading

Posted in Despair, Love, Passion | 14 Comments

An Orthodox Christian is in My Religion and Moral Issues Class!

My Religion and Moral Issues class that I’m taking this summer that is going to prevent me from blogging for quite a bit has an Orthodox Christian in it–I’m fairly certain a Syriac Orthodox Christian so jrj1701 might have something … Continue reading

Posted in Eastern Christianity, Eastern Rite, Love, Passion, Philosophy, School and Education | 5 Comments

St. Michael Prayer

I’m writing the following prayer down for my deacon today so he can see that I’ve memorized it as we watch yet another video from Fr. Barron’s New Evangelization series in ECF class tonight. It reads as follows: St. Michael the … Continue reading

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Talking to My Deacon and Resting on My Friend’s Shoulder

To be perfectly honest, I’ve never really had a one-on-one conversation with him before…I just sat at his table during an ECF class one night and heard him talk about despair and then he turned to me and said, “You … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Love, Passion | 4 Comments

Counting Down the Days…

approximately 10 1/2 to 11 months before my life gets back to normal… approximately 46.5 to 48 weeks… approximately 325.5 to 336 days… approximately that long until I am hopefully safe with Auntie from all the forces of decadence and … Continue reading

Posted in Anglicanism, Atheism, Despair, Eschatology, Love, Passion, School and Education | 1 Comment

The Butterfly Game!

We’re going to play a game! Any one who reads this post can play this game also though you may miss out on a hell of a lot of fun (literally–hell)! Because I struggle with cutting and depression and the … Continue reading

Posted in Despair, Love, Passion | 3 Comments

Doubting the Sacraments

That lovable Saint Therese of Lisieux…says, for example, ‘I am assailed by the worst temptation of atheism’. Her mind is beset by every possible argument against the faith; the sense of believing seems to have vanished; she feels that it … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Despair, Passion | 13 Comments

God Speaks…

Try as he might, Mack could not escape the desperate possibility that the note just might be from God after all, even if the thought of God passing notes did not fit well with his theological training. In seminary he … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Bible, Despair, Passion | 8 Comments

Underground

Oh, yes, we shall be in chains and there will be no freedom, but then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy, without which man cannot live nor God exists, for God gives joy: it’s his privilege–a … Continue reading

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My Archpriest

I was talking to my archpriest just now about my struggles with the faith and all the details in the catechetical instruction classes that one must learn and go over. I loved talking to him! He was able to give … Continue reading

Posted in Catholicism, Eastern Christianity, Love, Passion | 2 Comments

Why I Just Want to Blow Off Any And All Catechetical Instruction

The scars on my arms show my cries to God quite well constantly asking him on and on, “How much longer?” How much longer until I am freed? How much longer until I’m rescued? Auntie says I just need to … Continue reading

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My parish priest…

I met with my parish priest yesterday and I had the initial impression that I’d be able to have more of a command as to what was going on with my journey but it didn’t happen that way. My parish … Continue reading

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My Unlikely Prayer Partner

Julian of Norwich was a Catholic mystic who locked herself up for her entire life. In those days, women didn’t do a lot of the things they did now and as a way of either providing safety for women or … Continue reading

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The Love of God?

Why is it the one central doctrine of Christianity that I struggle with the most? For the life of me, I can’t grasp what “God is love” means or how that’s even a meaningful statement. I read Light for Life … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Despair, Passion | 18 Comments

“Will I be denied Christ–Tourniquet–my suicide?”

Posted in Despair, Passion | 1 Comment

Called Into All Three – But Why?

I feel like all of these strings on me are trying to pull me into three different churches all at once and it is confusing me. I feel like I am right back where I started when I first started … Continue reading

Posted in Anglicanism, Atheism, Catholicism, Despair, Eastern Christianity, High Church, Love, Mysticism, Passion | 2 Comments

Dear God, Thank You for Your Fan-Club

In these recent times, I’ve been having struggles dealing with the concept of a God who reaches down to me since I never was lucky enough to have God starting from birth. It might be because of my depression which … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Calvinism, Catholicism, Despair, Eastern Christianity, Entertainment, Passion | 12 Comments

My Bi-Polar Faith

Well…we all have one. Here’s a brief summary of mine. Atheist-theist-atheist-theist-theist-atheist-theist-theist-theist-atheist-atheist-theist-atheist-atheist-atheist-so on and so forth…always an agnostic. So bi-polar. On a side note, I talked with my counselor about my depression-excitement-depression-oh you get the point. He said I might have … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Despair, Passion | 1 Comment

Hans Urs von Balthasar: Credo

Posted in Despair, Love, Mysticism, Passion, Philosophy | 2 Comments

Help me, god…

Genesis 32:22-31 – The same night he arose and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that … Continue reading

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IF I GO TO HELL IT’S GOD’S FAULT!

IT’S NOT MY FAULT I WASN’T BORN INTO THE RIGHT RELIGION! STOP BLAMING ME GOD! IT’S NOT MY FAULT I HAVEN’T BEEN BAPTIZED! IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR HAVING CREATED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! END OF DISCUSSION, JERK-FACE!

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WHY HAVEN’T YOU FOUND ME?!?

Posted in Atheism, Despair, Passion | 1 Comment

Everything I Want to Say God Right Now if He is Real

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In Case You Were Wondering

I often get accused of being a liberal democrat by neo-conservatives and being a conservative republican by neo-liberals. Took a quiz today because I was writing about the political history of Spanish conquest in the Americas for a paper due … Continue reading

Posted in Anthropological, Despair, History, Opposition to Governments, Passion, School and Education | 21 Comments

Reasons Why I Hate the Bible

I’m shockingly one of very few “Christians” (I’m not one any longer, don’t know what I am, was an Eastern Catholic Catechumen and still desire to be an Eastern Catholic but need peace) who absolutely hates the Bible. I will … Continue reading

Posted in Bible, Catholicism, Christology, Despair, Deuterocanonical Works, Eastern Christianity, Eastern Rite, History, Narrative, New Testament, Old Testament, Passion, Religious, Trinitarianism | Leave a comment

For The Bloggers on Jessica Hoff’s Blog

(…and for other bloggers that have helped me sort things out at this moment in my life recently) this is my thanks.

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“Death Be Not Whatever”

A clip from a Joan of Arcadia episode.

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I don’t want to be miserable

Posted in Despair, Passion | 7 Comments

Why I’m Not Attending Liturgies Any More

I was debating this morning as to whether to go to liturgy this week or not. I decided not to. Yes, I know that there’s the whole mortal sin issue but I really don’t care about that any more. I … Continue reading

Posted in Atheism, Catholicism, Eastern Christianity, Passion | 42 Comments

I Was Commanded to Re-Post This

*I have blue eyes! And in other news, I’ve started up school again this week. I’m taking six classes. Existentialism (the professor’s making it a class-led course and has us writing blogs which you can follow my blog for the … Continue reading

Posted in Catholicism, Daniel, Entertainment, Passion, School and Education | 2 Comments

The Philosophy of the Rose

I was thinking of what to give to you my queen. Something that would show all that you have done for me. And I all I could think of was a flower. But not just any flower, a rose. I’ve … Continue reading

Posted in Love, Passion, Romance | 4 Comments

My Immortal Queen

Am I your foolish mortal boy? It’s silly, I know. I’ll get over it, I keep telling myself. But then I imagine. I imagine myself seeing right down into your eyes and knowing who you are and I realize that … Continue reading

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